


Did I say something?

by Attack_on_mgl



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Hallucinations, I promise, IT'S NOT ALL DARK, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Panic Attacks, This is actually fun to read during the first scenes, just trust me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-06
Updated: 2019-01-16
Packaged: 2019-10-05 04:40:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,193
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17318264
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Attack_on_mgl/pseuds/Attack_on_mgl
Summary: She watched with wide eyes - panicked eyes - as Aaron backed away, flinching as his back collided quickly with the wall behind him, a sharp, frightened gasp escaping his lips.He was trembling, scared, and completely fucking terrified."Aaron? Aaron, babe, what's wrong?" She could see it in his eyes; the sheer horror and fear that filled them turning them glassy, pooling with tears. He looked so lost… so young. And the worst part was that she didn't know what to do.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This chapter involes a lot of topics, so I suggest you take into account each and every tag, as they are there for a reason, even if it seems excessive. I just wanna be safe :/
> 
> I hope you guys enjoy, this was definitely an interesting one to write :)

It had been a good fucking day.

Just her, Ness, Matty and Marlon taking care of things.

It went surprisingly well.

That is, apart from when Vic had loudly ordered her brother to come with her on an 'emergency shopping trip'.

_"Vic, I'm busy." Robert gestured to Aaron, who only smirked at the bickering, choosing to stay silent._

_"You two can have a date night tomorrow." She insisted. "Right you, let's go." Without warning she hooked her arm around his and began marching off, Robert awkwardly stumbling off his bar stool as he yelled a pained "Ah, fuck! Vic, slow down!" And then mouthed a suggestive "You, me, later" to his husband, winking cockily as he disappeared out the door._

Charity grinned at the memory, the eye roll Aaron gave her in the aftermath being priceless.

She was glad that he was still here, keeping her company.

"So, where's Vanessa gone, again?" The brunet asked as he busied himself with adjusting some chairs and tables. Normally Chas would help out, but she'd decided to instead try and reason with Marlon on all things Billy. Aaron thought it would be best to avoid the mess and hideout in the pub instead.

_"If your mum doesn't punch Jessie I'm going to be very disappointed."_

_Aaron sighed. "Just because she's been there for over and hour doesn't mean they're gonna start fighting."_

_"It's getting dark, babe. I don't care who hits her, as long as the stupid cow leaves."_

Charity was still waiting for Chas to walk back in, fists bloody and bruised and Jessie's stupid decapitated head boot-kicked through the door.

"Some horse thing." She answered with a shrug. "Rhona's with Pete, and Paddy needed an extra set of hands, apparently."

"Sounds like fun." Aaron muttered as he fished his phone out of his pocket, the soft buzzing alerting his attention.

Charity watched as a smirk tugged at his lips, laughing to himself. "What's up?"

"Okay, so this is from Rob." He coughed into his fist, just for dramatic effect. " _'Vic needs to sort out her priorities. Apparently buying a bunch of inappropriate skirts is more important than eating.'_ "

"What a drama queen." She laughed fondly.

"I'll just ask if he wants anything for when he gets back… I reckon they'll be back later than expected." He spoke as his fingers tapped away, lower lip bitten between his teeth in concentration. Charity raised a brow as a sudden blush crept onto his cheeks, his eyes widening.

"What's he put?" She asked and made her way quietly round the bar towards him.

"I… Y-You don't wanna know— _oh_ , okay then, that's fine. Take my phone." Aaron waved his hand dismissively as he avoided her gaze, heart thumping in embarrassment.

"Oh wowww." She was giving the Cheshire Cat a run for his money, the smug grin on her lips making Aaron even more uncomfortable. " _'Trust me, I'll definitely be eating when I get back'._ Winky face." Her grin softened as she handed Aaron back his phone, to which he shoved it firmly back into his pocket. "Aw, don't worry, babe. Your dirty secret is safe with me."

"It's not, is it?"

"Nope." Charity beamed, winking. "Cain is gonna _hate_ this—"

"You wouldn't." Aaron threatened quickly, panicked.

The blonde held his worried gaze for a moment or so, before shaking her head and giggling. "Aaron, _babe_ , I'm not a monster." She watched as Aaron physically relaxed. "Besides, Ness and I have sent _much_ worse."

The brunet pulled a face. "I really didn't need to know that."

"I know." Her hand patted him lightly on the back, before she turned and walked back round the bar. "I'm gonna put the kettle on, okay?" She jabbed her thumb over her shoulder, walking backwards steadily. "You want one?"

"Uh… go on, then."

"Coffee? Tea?"

"I don't care; whatever you're having."

"Two teas then." And with that she was gone, leaving Aaron to sort out the furniture.

 

* * *

 

Now with hot teas in both her burning hands, she hurried through to the bar, cussing under her breath. Aaron was giving everything one last check. "Lydia'll appreciate this." Charity spoke, placing one tea on the bar and bringing the other to her face, blowing on it slowly.

Aaron nodded, crawling awkwardly onto one of the booth seats and checking the windowsill for anything he could just throw in the bin, to save Lydia time and whatnot.

"Bet'cha Suggers would like that." Charity mused, grinning when Aaron peered over his shoulder briefly to catch her eye.

"What d'you mean?"

"You, on all fours." She watched as he tensed, muttering a sharp " _Jesus_ " under his breath. Aaron quickly left the booth and shuffled over to his tea, picking it up with both hands, clutching the mug. He blew on it as well.

"Be careful, it's really hot." Charity reminded, slightly concerned as to how he was able to hold the boiling mug so tightly. Aaron didn't seem to take much notice, eyes locked on the tea as it rippled with each cooling breath, as well as the intense burning sensation on his palms and finger tips.

They soon fell into a comfortable silence, the only sound being occasional noise from upstairs, and Charity's small, experimental sips of her drink.

"It's drinkable now." She stated, this time chancing a bigger gulp. It was fine.

Aaron nodded, copying. He licked his lips and placed the mug back down on the bar, his hands tingling, _stinging_ , at the loss of heat.

"Please don't give me the silent treatment." She suddenly said, perking the brunet's curiosity.

"What do you mean?"

"You've gone all quiet since I made that joke about you and Robert." She explained. "I didn't mean to offend you or anything."

"Honestly, it's fine, Charity." He assured, glad to see the older woman smile softly. "It's just weird hearing family talk about my sex life, that's all."

At that, she laughed genuinely. "God damn you and your innocence. Our little boy's all grown up and naughty, now." She teased affectionately, watching Aaron smile, but something unreadable pass over his eyes. Had she said something?

"I reckon I should go now." He stated, somewhat abruptly. "Thanks for the laugh, it was nice."

Charity nodded, still a little taken aback, but decided not to pry. "Of course, babe, no problem."

Aaron pursed his lips into a small smile as he turned around and headed towards the door, only to feel a hand suddenly grab his forearm and stop him from moving. He spun around quickly, quicker than he'd expected to, gasping slightly.

Charity furrowed her brows and slowly removed her hand, worry present all over her face. She carefully placed Aaron's mug on a nearby table, no longer worried that he had barely touched the drink.

She watched with wide eyes - panicked eyes - as Aaron backed away, flinching as his back collided quickly with the wall behind him, a sharp, frightened gasp escaping his lips.

He was trembling, scared, and completely fucking terrified.

"Aaron? Aaron, babe, what's wrong?" She could see it in his eyes; the sheer horror and fear that filled them turning them glassy, pooling with tears. He looked so lost… so young. And the worst part was that she didn't know what to do.

Shit, she didn't even know how it had been triggered.

Oh.

_"God damn you and your innocence. Our little boy's all grown up and naughty, now."_

How could she have let that slip?

_Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck–_

He was sat on the floor now, breath hitching as she crouched down in front of him, eyes raking over him in deep concern as he hid behind his raised arms, knees pulled to his chest protectively. "Aaron…" She hadn't expected her voice to be so quiet. "Aaron, talk to me."

All she got was nothing less than a whimper, a reminder that she was useless in this situation. She'd witnessed Robert 'do his thing' when Aaron had his occasional, much more rare, nightmare or flashback, but not once had she imagined that one would take place in her empty pub as she was closing up, at her hands, and for her to deal with.

The thought of calling Sugden lingered in her mind for moment, but she quickly decided against it, even if, in hindsight, it might've been a good idea.

"Aaron, babe, it's okay." Again, her words were soft, much like Robert's when he was in her position.

Aaron seemed to be oblivious to her words, wet eyes staring at everything and anything as he breathed heavily. "Aaron–"

She wasn't impatient, no, she wouldn't dare be impatient with Aaron, not when he was so damn fragile, but couldn't stop herself from reaching out and taking hold of the brunet's wrist, lowering it for barely a second before it was swatted away urgently, taking her off guard.

"No! Dad, _no_ –!" The words were quick, panicked, and only made him shake more, broken whispers of " _I'm sorry_ " and " _don't hurt me_ " falling from his lips without a second thought.

Charity grimaced.

Her eyes stung, bloodshot and watery as she swallowed down the lump in her throat. She drew in a shaky breath, closing her eyes tightly. Her heart thumped loudly, her head pounding as she tried to calm herself.

No way had she just reminded him of Gordon.

She felt sick.

She knew what Aaron had been through more than anyone; being manipulated and abused by the person that you trusted with your life, but somehow, somehow she managed to bring his dreadful childhood flooding back to him in a matter of seconds, and then taking on the role of his rapist.

She closed her eyes a breathed, trying to think.

Panic attacks weren't really her thing, she'd realised, as she usually just drowned her sorrows with drink, or cuddles and comfort from Vanessa. Or, if she was lucky, both.  
But Aaron had neither at the moment.  
He was sat on the Woolpack floor, crying, with her. Not Robert, but _her_. Robert, who knew how to deal with this like a pro, wasn't here, and Charity wasn't even going to try and offer Aaron a glsss of wine.

She wanted to hug him, just like she had before Gordon's hearing, when Aaron had refused, but accepted her embrace nonetheless.

"Aaron." She whispered hoarsely, not even sure if he could hear her or not. "Aaron, it's okay. Y-You're safe. You're safe, okay?" She eyed him hesitantly, watching as he tensed, unsure whether that was a good thing.

Slowly, carefully she held out her hand, making sure not to invade his personal space too much as she waited; again, something Robert did – a silent gesture of reassurance and comfort, that apparently worked most of the time.

Charity blinked, a small, timid noise getting her undivided attention. She wasn't sure what Aaron muttered, his voice too choked up and fearful to make anything out.

"…He's here."

The whisper was boredline sinister, nearly causing the blonde to peer over her shoulders as paranoia loomed over her.

She swallowed thickly. "No… no he's not." The first few tears slipped from her eyes, finally, as she chanced a shuffle forwards, shaking her head sadly. "Aaron, babe, listen to me. He's not here."

For a split second she could've sworn she saw a spark of realisation and relief flash across his eyes, but it was only replaced with doubt as Aaron ignored her, choosing to focus his attention at his violently shaking hands as they fiddled with the sleeves of his t-shirt against his knees, the sudden silence being extremely unsettling.

She kept her hand outstretched, despite the aching of her arm, and dared to speak again. "Aaron…?"

Aaron snapped his head up, instantly locking eyes with her, jumping at the abrupt noise. He bit down on his trembling lip harshly, eyes frantically darting over the elder in confusion, panic, and uncertainty. It pained her to know that Aaron was considering she was going to hurt him, the expectant, guilt ridden look in his eyes rendering her speechless.

He was expecting her to hurt him.

Charity felt herself tense, licking her dry lips grimly. "I'm not gonna hurt you. Trust me."  
A few tears streaked down his face, more following soon after as he blinked, eyes wavering slightly as they glanced at her hand, before swallowing.

Slowly, agonizingly slowly, did his hand meet her's, fingers nervously grazing over her palm before carefully entwining them with her's.  
It took a moment for Charity to process what had happened, but when it hit her she gave his hand a comforting squeeze, relieved when he didn't pull away.

Aaron sniffed, using his other hand to wipe his eyes. "I… I'm sorry–"

"Don't, okay?" She offered a sad smile, not mad when she didn't get one in return, only a guilty wince. "Stop blaming yourself."

Aaron nodded, knowing that it was somewhat true, but couldn't shake his guilt. "Can I…" He spoke quietly, after a moment or so. "Can I have a hug…?"

Charity grinned softly, before shuffling closer and pulling him into a hug, the feeling of Aaron's hand latching onto the back of her top encouraging her to hold him tighter, not daring to let go.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Blaming yourself is the easiest option.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys wanted a couple chapter so here it is! I really hope this is good enough and the kind of thing you all had in mind, and that you like it :)

"…Robert? Yeah, _listen_ , I… uh… I need you to come over."

There was a moment of silence. " _Don't tell me Aaron's got pissed._ "

Charity shook her head, casting a weary glance over to Aaron. "No… _No_ he's not drunk. He, uh… He had a panic attack or something… I… It was pretty intense. I don't really know what to do—"

" _What kind of panic attack?_ " Robert's tone had sharpened considerably.

_He has different types of attacks…?_ "A _Gordon_ one, if that makes any sense?" She heard his breath hitch. "He was out of it for quite a while. He's still kinda shaken up."

" _I'll be there soon._ "

He hung up.

Charity lowered her phone and placed it on the bar quietly.

Aaron had yet to move from the floor, his back leaning against the wall and head tipped back. His eyes were glued to the ceiling, chest rising and falling steadily.

_Good one, Charity. Scare him half to death._

"Are you sure you don't want some water?" She asked gently.

Aaron tilted his head to the side and shook it tiredly. "No thanks…"

"Okay."

This was painful.

Leaving him and rushing to the back room, making small talk to Chas and forcing her up to bed? _Painful_. She couldn't have let her see Aaron in such a state, it would make everything worse.

Luckily, Chas hadn't put up much of a fight, only thanking her for actually doing her job.

Everything was very painful.

She barely registered the knocking at the door, only realising it's existence when Aaron inhaled a sharp, nervous breath.

Charity made her way swiftly yet quietly to the door, praying that no one got there before her.

"Oh thank God." She breathed, Robert's worried eyes locking with her's. "He, uh, he hasn't moved. Not much, anyways."

The blond gave her a slight nod. "Okay… that's normal." He spoke quietly as he was guided to the bar, clearly keeping in mind of everyone asleep upstairs. His gaze softened as it rested on his husband, Robert walking over to him and crouching next to him. "…You okay?"

Charity remained stood somewhat awkwardly behind the bar, watching intently. She really hoped she'd done a good job.

Aaron nodded and bit his lip, Robert adjusting his postiton to sit and lean against the wall beside him. They sat quietly, holding each others hand comfortingly, just talking amongst themselves. Charity guessed it was a way to clear Aaron's head and make him forget as much as possible.

"D'you want a drink?"

The couple looked over at her, their conversation put on pause momentarily. "Uh, yeah, okay." The taller man smiled softly, a rare sight in Charity's mind.

"Water?"

"Yeah, cheers." He turned to Aaron, giving his hand a squeeze. "You thirsty?"

"Kinda." Aaron's voice was still hushed and somewhat anxious, but at least he gave an answer.

"Be back in a bit." She smiled before going off to pour two glass of water. Soon said glasses were placed on the bar, and she was back in position, guarding in case anyone ventured downstairs.

Aaron now had his head resting on Robert's shoulder, neither of them apparently not noticing their drinks.

Charity suddenly flickered her stare downwards and onto her phone.

**Ness** ❤  
 _Won't be back till later :( Make sure Chas knows Paddy won't be either x_

She smiled fondly as she sent a text to Chas, and then an ' _All done, see you later x_ ' to Vanessa.

**Ness** ❤  
 _Love you x :)_

 

_Love you too xxxxx_

 

**Ness** ❤  
 _Xxxxxxxxxxx_

"…I… I completely forgot where I was…" Aaron murmurmed. "All I could think about was _him_."

"How bad…?"

"Nine. Maybe a ten."

"I'm sorry I wasn't there."

The brunet shook his head firmly, yet tiredly. " _No_ … no, don't say that…"

There was moment of silence, before Robert sighed.

_He's blaming himself for something I caused?_

"He's right, by the way." Charity spoke up in what felt like forever, phone now in her back pocket and glasses of water in hand as she walked over and sat down in front of them, legs crossed comfortably. She handed them each their drinks, focusing on Robert. "You, uh, you shouldn't be blaming yourself for something I caused. Especially something _this_ extreme."

The blond's eyes widened slightly, clearly taken aback. "…You don't know that. The last time we dealt with any kind of attack was… _what?_ " He glanced at Aaron, who shrugged slightly. "A few months ago? And that was just a small one… It's just all this Billy shit, that's all. It's bringing it all back in one big sweep." His gaze saddened as he looked at their hands entwined together. "It's overwhelming, I guess."

"But I said things." She insisted. "I said stupid things, a-and then I _grabbed_ him—"

"Charity." Robert said firmly, despite the sad smile tugging at his lips. "It's okay. You don't need to worry. It's sorted."

"…He'll be alright, though, won't he?" She looked at Aaron worriedly. "You'll be okay, _right?_ "

Aaron nodded and sipped at his drink, eyes blinking slowly. It didn't surprise her that he was completely exhausted.

"Don't panic." Robert assured calmly. "Most people would've completely freaked if they were in your position. You should be proud, if anything."

"I didn't know what I was doing."

"…You did the hand thing." Aaron muttered sleepily, earning himself another squeeze to his hand.

Charity laughed half-heartedly. "Only because Sugger's does it."

"Just accept that you did a great job, okay?" Robert ordered. "If it wasn't for you being here… we would be in a much worse situation."

_Ominous._

"What d'you mean?" She didn't mean to pry, or to sound too nosey, but here curiousity got the better of her.

Robert fell quiet, shifting his position so Aaron, now subconsciously drifting off, could lean more comfortably into his side. "…Sometimes, if we're apart, I get voicemails and phone calls." He looked… unsettled, a stark contrast to the light-hearted smirk he was previously sporting. "He asks me to come home, or to the scrapyard, depending on where he is, because he gets scared."

Jesus.

"He's gets too deep into it. He starts seeing things, hearing things… we thought it was schizophrenia, but apparently it's normal for some people."

_Does this kid ever get a break?_

"Sometimes he, uh, he sees _him_. He just shuts down; either completely zones out or starts crying– it's fucking horrible to walk in on."

"You've not known?"

Robert shook his head miserably, taking a sip of his drink. He placed the glass on a nearby table and pulled Aaron closer against him, causing the brunet to stir slightly, brows furrowing. "Yeah… He thinks he can ignore them, but that just makes it worse."

Aaron muttered as his eyes opened, wincing. "I… I don't mean to…"

"I know." He assured gently.

It was only now that Charity realised how exhausted he looked. His blond hair disheveled, eyes darkened and movements somewhat slower then usual. It had been quite a while since Aaron had had a proper attack, so being hit with something this extreme must've messed with his head.

"People don't give you enough credit." She muttered. Robert narrowed his brows on confusion. "Yeah, you're too cocky for your own good, but you love him so damn much."

The blond swallowed thickly. "…Thanks."

"I'm being serious. You probably know more about Aaron than Chas or Paddy, and you're always there when shit like this happens."

"It's part of him, though… I don't care that these things happen, I just get on with it and help him through it… It's not like I'd just _leave_ him." He spoke, albiet slightly confused.

"And that's what most people seem to forget." She spoke fondly, but her voice held a sense of bitterness. "You may not be everyone's favourite person, Robert, but when it comes to Aaron, or Liv and Seb… or even Vic and Diane… you really outshine most people with how much you care for them."

Silence.

Charity watched as a wet sheen appeared in his eyes, cheeks darkening ever so slightly as he licked his lip and drew in a shaky breath. Robert laughed awkwardly as he quickly wiped his eyes and sniffed. " _Holy shit_ …"

"Are you crying…?" Aaron whispered, removing himself from Robert's side to look at him wearily.

"No…" The blond denied, before suddenly grabbing his boyfriend toward him and into a tight hug. "Come here."

Aaron shot Charity a glance as he hugged back, fingers holding into the back of Robert's leather jacket. "…Are you okay–"

"Shut up for a minute." He mumbled into the brunet's shoulder, taking in the scent he loved so damn much.

 

* * *

 

Robert pulled away after a few moments with a sigh, as well as a shy smile. He kept his arm around Aaron as he turned to face Charity, his other hand coming up to point at her sharply. "Fuck you, _okay?_ " He hissed. "Don't ever pull shit like that again."

"In my defense, I didn't expect you to get so damn emotional."

"I'm tired." He said. "I kinda went into panic mode after that phone call."

"…My fault–"

"Stop saying that." Robert looked at Aaron, his voice holding a slight bite to it.

"It's true–"

" _Aaron_."

Charity watched as Aaron quietened down with a small nod, eyes glistening with fresh tears as he bit his lip.

_Everyone's on an emotional rollercoaster, Jesus…_

Robert because he was worried… Aaron because he… well, he had a lot of reasons… and Charity…

Charity didn't really know why she felt how she did. Her guilt was sky rocketing. She'd just hidden her tears, that's all.

"…What time is it?"

She barely heard Aaron's whisper, and pulled her phone out. "…Coming up for eleven."

"What…" He sniffed as he tilted his head on Robert's shoulder to look up at him. "What did you tell Liv…?"

"She's at Gabby's, remember?" Robert assured, concerned.

"…Yeah…"

"You two should head back." Charity sudden spoke up. "You're both clearly exhausted, you need to go to bed."

Robert looked at her, his mouth saying "Yeah, you're right." But his eyes playfully saying _don't tell me what to do, you're not my mum._

 

* * *

 

"I owe you some free drinks." Aaron spoke as he and Robert walked through the door, the cold night-time air sending chills up their spines. "For obvious reasons."

Charity shook her head stubbornly. "Don't you dare. You don't owe me anything, you hear me?"

"I don't care—" He went to retort, but cut himself off when he heard footsteps coming up behind them.

Paddy and Vanessa both smiled friendily as they approached the trio, their grins faltering in confusion. "What on earth are you three doing at this time?" Paddy asked, Aaron thankful that the darkness helped hide his bloodshot eyes.

"Nothing." Robert shrugged, before turning to Charity and smiling gratefully. "Cheers. See you tomorrow."

"Yeah, see ya. Thanks, again… for everything." Aaron smiled softly, he and Robert walking away peacefully.

"…Can we come in, now?" Vanessa cocked her head as an indication for her girlfriend to step out of the doorway, to which she did soon after, the door clicking shut as they filtered into the living room.

"How come the lights are still on?" She asked curiously.

"Oh, uh, Aaron got a bit drunk and broke some glasses. I promised I wouldn't tell Chas, if he would help clean up."

"So that's why he was thanking you. I was confused for a second." Paddy thought out loud, laughing to himself.

"Yeah, that's why." Charity muttered, only to speak more clearly. "…I'm gonna go to the toilet. I'll be back in a bit to switch everything off." As with that she quickly made her way out the room, wiping her eyes as she asended up the stairs, her tears now streaking down her face.

Should she be proud of herself for helping him, or guilty for making it happen?

She had no fucking clue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and kudos are greatly appreciated and I love reading them! Constructive criticism is also accepted! Thanks :)

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and kudos are greatly appreciated and I really enjoy reading them! Constructive criticism and feedback is also accepted!
> 
> I never usually write oneshots, but I did this time, because I kinda felt it concluded well. If you want an additional chapter or so, because I can do that if you want, then be sure to drop a comment down below! Thanks!


End file.
